Hillary Bangs The Fife And Drum

Hillary Clinton, along with inventor of the World Wide Web Sir Tim Berners-Lee, former Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams, primatologist Jane Goodall, and physicist Sir Peter Higgs (Higgs boson Higgs, absent due to illness), among others, accepted an honorary doctorate from the University of St. Andrews Friday. She claimed that there was a Scottish Enlightenment in the 18th century–who knew? I thought they hadn’t taken off the war paint yet. But I digress, because giving the graduation address for the 600th anniversary of St. Andrews is a sure sign that Hillary Clinton is fully engaged in the 2016 battle. By the end of this month she will have the election locked up. Really? Well, after she locks up the golf vote this weekend by shooting a hole-in-one on the Old Course, she is due to chug a stein of Spaten Brau in Munich, clinching the critical upper and lower Midwestern Teutonic vote. Then on to Rome to personally receive a cold call from the Pope, in whose 1984 Renault she will drive around the countryside near Castel Gandolfo, wearing a mantilla, thus putting away the Roman Catholic swing voters. Game over.


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