“A Dispirited America” Decides To Move To New Jersey

Hundreds of millions of non-New Jerseyan Americans are on the move this morning, after watching Chris Christie declare in his victory speech last night that their lives would continue to be miserable and empty unless–well, let him tell it: “Tonight, a dispirited America, angry with their dysfunctional government in Washington, looks to New Jersey.”

Little did Christie know just how “dispirited” we are who have never had the privilege of seeing New Jersey. We are on the roads. We are all coming to Jersey. Be it by I-95, I-80, or the old Lincoln Highway, we are bound and determined to see Pennsauken and Vineland and Paramus before we die. And when we all reach New Jersey, we can all work together, as Chris Christie yells at us that we must. And, much as happened to Iberia in Nobel Prize-winning novelist Jose Saramago‘s The Stone Raft, then New Jersey will detach itself, beginning with the Ironbound district of Newark, then from the Palisades to the Meadowlands, and then all along the Delaware River, and we will all float out into the Atlantic. And no one will be left in Nebraska, of which Chris Christie’s favorite entertainer, Bruce Springsteen, sang many years ago. And Chris Christie will finally apprehend that there is no longer any point in running for President.

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