Canada Expelled From Turtle Island

I am sorry to say that Canada has been expelled from Turtle Island effective immediately, on account of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford‘s remarks yesterday.

OK I lied. Actually I am so proud to belong to a civilized and sensible nation, the United States, not a land of horrid vulgar barbarians like Canada. Our National Public Radio, I am pleased to say, referred to Ford’s live Canadian TV press conference Thursday as “vulgar” without deigning to quote him directly. We are a modest and polite people, we Americans, and we will simply have nothing more to do with embarrassing countries.

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