Vladimir Putin today took a break from sub rosa subversion of former Soviet vassal states to demand the immediate surrender of a named chair in international law at Oxford University. Prime Minister David Cameron offered to refer the matter to an interdisciplinary faculty committee world-renowned for its passive-aggressive behavior. Putin, well aware that this was a neo-imperialist ruse, reiterated that only Oxford’s chair of international law would do. Any counter-offer of Cambridge, or another Oxford department, would be considered as a grave threat to Putin’s sovereign dignity. In another worrying sign, senior Russian officials rejected out of hand the suggestion by international observers that Putin might enjoy the Chair of Deconstructive Studies at Sciences Po in Paris, let alone the Anschluss Chair of Post-Fascist Studies at the University of Vienna, going so far as to charge that these offers were cynical attempts to encircle Holy Russia.