Sadly, Judge Roy Moore of Alabama–so I heard–has failed a urine test and been extradited to Oregon. Soon-to-be governor Kate Brown has denied that Moore will be forced to undergo compulsory bisexuality reeducation. “I prefer nudges,” Brown appeared to say in a tumultuous press conference in which ostensible representatives of the LGBTQ community urged Brown for the umpteenth time to “butch it up a bit.” On a positive note, all 67 county probate judges in Alabama said they were no longer “confused” and would issue marriage licenses to “anything that moves.”
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