Why Apple Gave County Clerk Kim Davis A Free New Ipad Pro

All is well in Rowan County, Kentucky, now that Kim Davis is out of jail and back home reflecting on her busy week just past. I hear that she is enjoying the brand new Ipad Pro that Tim Cook had delivered to her jail cell. With the new faster 64-bit chip and the 5.6 million pixel display, Ms. Davis was finally able to make out the words of Matthew 22:21 and, in the split-screen mode facilitated by the new iOS 9 operating system beta version, Mark 12:17. In brief: render unto Caesar that which belongs to Caesar; render unto God that which belongs to God.  Davis blew an air kiss to CEO Tim Cook from her front porch, saying that the scales had fallen from her eyes, and that she now renounced Dominionism and all other works of the Devil. She was having too much fun playing Crossy Road to bother responding to a reporter’s shouted question: “is the iPad the work of the Horned Beast?”

(Davis had previously misunderstood Acts 5:29 to read “we county clerks must obey God rather than men and women who make Supreme Court rulings we think are awful even if we ourselves have been married four times, and we must make other men and women obey us even if men and women rather than God elected us and pay our $80,000 yearly salary.” The real text of Acts 5:29 does not go quite that far.)


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