Sources extremely close to Donald Trump indicate that he is lukewarm on debating tonight but red hot for snouts. As the afternoon wears on and Trump rides back and forth between Smoki O’s and Big Mama’s BBQ, it is becoming less and less likely that he will express humility and contrition tonight, or in fact bother to show up at all.
Update: Snoots, not snouts. I apologize. I promise to be a better person in the future, not the immature jackass I was a couple of weeks ago when I was still 59 years old.