“Pardon” Is So Low Energy–Let’s Go Full “Indemnity And Oblivion”

Remember the Indemnity and Oblivion Act of 1660, aka “An Act of Free and General Pardon, Indemnity, and Oblivion”?  Well, let’s dig it out.  You want “beleaguered”?  They had it in spades.  Just watch yourself and don’t commit murder, piracy, buggery, rape, or witchcraft, or else you might not be granted oblivion after all.  Our presidential hemming and hawing over pardon is so weak and low energy compared to what the English Parliament did after their Civil War.

Speaking of spades, I am waiting for Jared Kushner to come up with a more poetic defense of himself than the tedious boilerplate we got today.  Let Jared take a page from Flann O’Brien’s Third Policeman.  Page 1, in particular: in sum, sure I killed old Phillip Mathers by smashing his jaw with a spade, but it was Divney’s fault.  He knocked Mathers down first with a bicycle pump.  And Divney was “personally responsible for the whole idea in the first place.  It was he who told me to bring my spade.”  I never bothered to read the subject line in his emails.  Or words to that effect.

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