Take The Ribbon From Your Hair, President Trump

Didn’t you promise you were going to help us make it through the night, Mr. President Trump?

“I am going to take care of everybody.”

“There will be no cuts to Social Security, Medicare & Medicaid.  Huckabee copied me.”

“Everybody’s going to be taken care of much better than they’re taken care of now.”

I don’t care who’s right or wrong, Mr. Trump.  You could even copy Huckabee and put a squirrel in your White House microwave and if you liked it a lot I would not judge you for that.  But keep your promises.  Or at least try.  Don’t complain about how complicated healthcare is.  That’s a precious snowflake excuse.  And don’t listen to Paul Ryan.  He’s a zombie moocher who lived off Social Security for two years after his daddy died when Paul was just sixteen.  He is probably still ashamed of it.  Don’t mind him, and for heaven’s sake don’t think he’s a “policy wonk.”  He doesn’t even understand insurance at all if he doesn’t realize it’s about healthy people paying for sick ones.  Because even you, Mr. Trump, are going to get old and sick and dependent and vulnerable.  So let the devil take tomorrow, Mr. Trump.

P.S. So glad your man on health care, Dr. Tom Price, said yesterday “no one will be worse off financially” when Trumpcare kicks in.  I am making a note of how much I paid in premiums in 2016 and putting it in a safe place, and you can be sure that I will not pay any more while you are president, sir.  And I know you won’t put me in debtors’ prison.  Plus I can keep thinking what I’m thinking and drinking what I’m drinking–no more no less so I won’t be any worse off.  Feeling pretty good now.  Would hate to see you mess up my good feeling.

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Trump Tries And Fails To Make Us Think Health Care Is Complicated

Trump, Trump, Trump, why are you trying to fool us with your fake story that health care is complicated.  It is so easy to understand that anybody who pays any attention at all to details figured it out a long time ago.  Lemme break it down for you, in little pieces you oughta be able to chew:

  1. Your body is a lot like a broken-down used car.  Not a fine-tuned mass-produced brand-new car.
  2. The market for health care is like the market for repairs of broken-down used cars, and not much like the market for new cars.
  3. For “free markets” to work “perfectly” everybody buying and selling has gotta have “perfect” information about the product being bought and sold.
  4. Thus a “free market” system to provide health care is not gonna be perfect.  This is called “market failure.”  Sometimes government regulation does not make everything perfect, but it is often worth a try.
  5. You, as President, have all kinds of power (via the administrative state your strategist says he wants to deconstruct) to negotiate good prices on drugs and the delivery of health care services–on behalf of all 320 million Americans.
  6. The word for your power is “monopsony.”  Look it up, and then use it.  You can become the greatest monopsonist ever!