Blame Canada! But What Took The President So Long?

Hey Trump, why all the farting and cursing?  Why didn’t you just cut to the chase on day one?  Made us wait almost 99 and one half days before you dropped the big one on Canada.  I coulda told you years ago how rough they are on Americans.  The least you can do, because you made us wait so long, is give your loyal base the “thumbs up, thumbs down” thrill of deciding whether to let Canada survive or not.  After the bears and lions (I mean the milk inspectors and the softwood inspectors) tear them up a little, that is.

BTW do the Canadians have nukes or not?  I think the French do, but not real sure.  Better ask Xi Jinping for the true historical history before you make any sudden moves.

Who Cares About 100 Days, Trump? Think About Burning In Hell Sooner Rather Than Later

As President Trump rightly noted, “the first 100 days” is a ridiculous standard.  Nobody with any sense could possibly expect somebody like Trump to measure up to FDR.  I don’t feel any fake urgency for Trump to notch “successes” that might blow up my world or make my health insurance unmanageable.  Stay strong, Trump, don’t let anybody gaslight you into reaching for transient “wins” that will boomerang on your sorry rump come next election day–unless you think you can suppress 24.1 million votes.  So relax, you will burn in hell soon enough, don’t rush it.  You did say that the only way you could ever possibly make it to heaven was to become president.  What exactly is your plan now?  Because you seem to have forgotten about getting into heaven.  Keep your eyes on the prize, or suffer the fate of slobbering for eternity in the lowest circle.  Maybe if you joined your good buddy Bill-O in Rome it would help you FOCUS.

Trump Doth Not Wrong But With Just Cause

Congressional Republicans eager to “walk the plank” and vote for the House repeal-and-rejoice health bill should take note: Trump did never wrong.  Trump will never do or be wrong.  You will be sacrificed.  Many of your constituents will be sacrificed.  Trump will always act with just cause.  You may or may not be a loser.  But Trump will not and cannot ever be blamed.  Paul Ryan may say whatever he wants, on tape or not.  Trump doth not wrong but with just cause.

Take The Ribbon From Your Hair, President Trump

Didn’t you promise you were going to help us make it through the night, Mr. President Trump?

“I am going to take care of everybody.”

“There will be no cuts to Social Security, Medicare & Medicaid.  Huckabee copied me.”

“Everybody’s going to be taken care of much better than they’re taken care of now.”

I don’t care who’s right or wrong, Mr. Trump.  You could even copy Huckabee and put a squirrel in your White House microwave and if you liked it a lot I would not judge you for that.  But keep your promises.  Or at least try.  Don’t complain about how complicated healthcare is.  That’s a precious snowflake excuse.  And don’t listen to Paul Ryan.  He’s a zombie moocher who lived off Social Security for two years after his daddy died when Paul was just sixteen.  He is probably still ashamed of it.  Don’t mind him, and for heaven’s sake don’t think he’s a “policy wonk.”  He doesn’t even understand insurance at all if he doesn’t realize it’s about healthy people paying for sick ones.  Because even you, Mr. Trump, are going to get old and sick and dependent and vulnerable.  So let the devil take tomorrow, Mr. Trump.

P.S. So glad your man on health care, Dr. Tom Price, said yesterday “no one will be worse off financially” when Trumpcare kicks in.  I am making a note of how much I paid in premiums in 2016 and putting it in a safe place, and you can be sure that I will not pay any more while you are president, sir.  And I know you won’t put me in debtors’ prison.  Plus I can keep thinking what I’m thinking and drinking what I’m drinking–no more no less so I won’t be any worse off.  Feeling pretty good now.  Would hate to see you mess up my good feeling.

Easing The Burdens? Really? For Whom?

New President Trump’s first day included an executive order to “ease the…burdens” of the Affordable Care Act.  I hope journalists will ask “for whom.”  The reality is, easing a burden somewhere probably places a burden on some “forgotten men and women” without lobbyists to smooth their path.  Easing regulatory burdens sounds great if you do not weigh the costs and benefits.  Journalists, could you ease up on rehashing every tweet and every impediment to your access.  The real issue is, where will the burdens shift with the new regime.  None of us really knows yet where they will shift, but let’s focus on explaining real issues that are going to help or hurt real people.  Trump’s first executive order is about “incidence,” which in economics refers to where burdens lie–who pays?  “Cutting red tape”–that’s gaslighting.  Let’s dig deeper.  Trump is getting ready to rebrand the health care system.  Real journalism will not take any of it at face value, in fact really real journalism will cut out Trump’s propagandizing middlemen/salespeople/gaslighters and go straight to explaining who benefits (Cui Bono) and who gets it on the nose.